Entries from October 2008 ↓

Its been one heck of a week. I have been a little stressed out recently. I need some peace, some recentering, something zen-like, some way to quiet my mind. 

So this afternoon, while my youngest son naps and my older son watches his favorite show on TIVO, I am taking the opporitunity to reconnect with a certain beverage that is guarenteed to relax me during the tensest of moments. No, not vodka. I am simply having a cup of tea.

I spent many years living abroad and you know what? Everywhere – but here - drinks tea regularly. It is what people do. Familes and friends take a moment in their day, they stop, they gather, they brew some tea, they sit while their hands are warmed by their mugs, they let the steam rise up to their faces, they drink, they reconnect and they relax.

In Asia, Africa, Europe, and Australia… throughout the day, they drink tea. In the very simple act of sitting and putting a warm, healthy liquid into their body, they offer their minds, bodies and souls relief and repose.

“Let’s have a cuppa…” What an excellent idea. Tell me again, why don’t I do this more often?

And coffee is just not the same thing. Sure, its great to meet someone over coffee. But coffee hardly makes you truly stop in that moment. It fans the flames in your enigine… and off you go. Tea tempers the engine. It brings peace and comfort. It infuses the soul and replenishes our essence.

Should I go on about the health benefits? Should I talk further about all the anti-oxidants and proven good stuff in tea such as… (lemme get this right)…  phytonutrients?

Um. Wha…? Nevermind.

Just take my word for it, there’s good stuff in it. Not that this is any surprise. While drinking a cup, I feel healthy, righted somehow, recentered.

Hopefully, you are considering having a cup for yourself. Just in that very act of having tea, you will actually be making time for yourself. Shocking, I know. What a notion. The world can stop for the moment it takes to drink one simple cup of tea.

Be well, find replenishment, and enjoy.

*** And how fitting. This peaceful tea sipping interlude marks my 100th post. Cheers! ***

In case you’re new to these parts, here’s a news flash: I’m white. And I have been deeply in denial about a certain issue in this election for far too long. Racism and discrimination. Because I am white, it has been fairly easy to live in a happy little ”we all get along in this world” fog of denial, thinking that our country would never discriminate against a political candidate based on the color of his skin. Oh no… never. Or discriminate against a candidate based on – cough, sputter, you’ve got to be kidding me here - the sort of his name he has. Impossible.

Wake up, white girl. We’re in big trouble here.

Besides the warnings from my friends of color here and abroad, here are some recent news stories and videos that have slapped some sense into me about racism in our election.

First of all, this study. It found that 40% of white Americans have at least a “partly negative view towards blacks”. And this would also include one third (ONE THIRD!) of democrats and independents. That happy “la-la land fog” I am living in is clearing up right quick.

Second of all, Pundit Mom has clued us all in once again. If you are living in the same little land of denial I have been, please – I beg you – watch these videos she posted. They are eye opening and outrageous.

And then finally, Rachel Maddow examined the Bradley Effect last night. She explained the effect by which folks might SAY they are not voting based on race – however, in the privacy of their own voting booth, they do in fact vote based on race. While the video of these McCain rallies seen on her show and on PunditMom’s site strike cold fear deep in my heart, the science behind this social tendency was somewhat fascinating to learn about (maybe in a “gotta look at the car crash” kind of way). But I don’t think she or I were talked off our ledges about this very scary possibility.

And can I please put in a sidebar here? I do NOT - I repeat - I do NOT believe that all republicans are racist. No. That would be extremely close-minded of me. But obviously (see above), there are racists that happen to be both republicans and democrats. However, for the McCain folks to try and fan the flames of discrimination in their rallies - not only by what they are saying, but by what they are NOT saying- well, they should be ashamed of themselves. I don’t care how desperate they are to win. If I were a repub, I’d be outraged.

So, the bottomline is, I am scared of how much our country ACTUALLY DOES (insert a huge “duh” for this white girl) discriminate. I am scared by our country’s seething hate for all things different. I am scared that while current polls happen to be in favor of Obama, he could loose based on the very simple fact that he is black and he has a funny name.

Wow. … Some awesome “world power” we are. We suck. And DON’T TELL ME that this is the stuff of human nature, or thats this is just “the way it is”. It’s inexcusable, it’s hateful, it’s outrageous and I need to be very careful not to fade back into my little fog of denial (which is part of the entire problem in its own right).

Phew. I am a worried, disappointed, bugged out, STRESS case right now.

I know I promised I would try to chill out about this election more. I know I promised to turn off the news after 8pm. Nope, I am still not sleeping well. And it is THIS topic that is keeping me awake at night. I am hoping this post is a “worry purge” of sorts. Next topic will be zen-like, I promise. Selfishly, for my sanity – even more than yours.

Peace, my friends.

I used to care about other stuff. I used to talk about topics other than the election. I used to go days – even weeks - without thinking too hard about my political values or hopes for the future of our country. But not anymore. This election has taken over my life, I tell you. I am feeling some serious political burn out. And how exactly has this happened? Let me share with you some examples. And then we are going to figure out a way for all of us to focus on something other than the election, even for a short while.

On a debate night, I almost always dream about the candidates. Usually, they are in some stressful predicament; once Obama and I weren’t able to find a voting booth on November 4th. And those dreams are exactly what I deserve for staying up well after the candidates have left the stage, watching all of the post-game pundit chatter late into the evening. In fact, my husband and I both toss and turn – there is rarely much hope for a fresh start the next morning.

Once awake, we face the computer or morning news. The pundits are still there: rehashing, replaying and repeating everything my nightmares were about. And I dread opening that full inbox listing political updates and reminders. Did you know Joe Biden is speaking in your town today? What are YOU doing to help win this election? Could you donate even $5 to make change happen? It’s barely 8:00am, and I already feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I usually find some comfort in a bowl of cheerios while I stare at Handy Manny on the Disney Channel. Of course, the next thought that pops into my mind is: Handy Manny could use a President like Obama who will stand up for middle class folks and small businesses. I mean, what if Manny can’t get the loan he needs to keep himself and all those tools employed? These are hardly lucid thoughts. My lack of sleep is apparent once again.

And even the stilted conversations at the playground have to work very hard to avoid the topic of politics. We all try but… really, what else is there to talk about? The Red Sox? Yeah, that’s good. My son’s math quiz? Eh, ok. “Did you hear that Obama and Brad Pitt are related?” “No way!” Red alert, politics approaching. ”Did anyone see SNL?” Ok, here we go. I give up.

And have you tried to get a cup of coffee at 7-eleven recently? There is no escape there either. You can pick your own Obama or McCain coffee cup and declare your vote to the world. All of those Joe and Jane Six-packs, familiar after standing in the same convenience store line every morning, are suddenly having to “out” themselves politically. Will it get weird for them now? Will there be a throw down?

I am hardly the only one suffering from the tension of this election. While I have had some positive experiences with my Obama paraphernalia recently (“I love your t-shirt!”, “I love your car!”, smiles, waves, “woo-hoo”s) – other friends have experienced the opposite. And the spray painted “X” through the only Obama sign I’ve seen sent me into a woeful, angry tailspin this afternoon. It seems as if our nation is slowly fading into two shades of citizen right now: blue or red. A line is being drawn down the middle of our lives – a line I can’t seem avoid no matter how hard I try.

So help me out. How do we take a mental break from this election and spiraling economy? Certainly, we can not afford to give up on it all together - but what are some ways to regain our strength? How can we wake up with a fresh perspective, re-energized and ready for November 4th? Here are some of my suggestions that I will swear to try – simply for my own sanity:

• Exercise. Lots of it. And don’t play any Ani DiFranco on the Ipod either.
• Play with your children outside: the grass, the kids, the birds, the sidewalk chalk, the bicycles are all bi-partisan, I promise.
• No news after 8pm. Say “No” to Keith Olbermann (which is hard for me) but say a heartfelt “YES!” to Project Runway.
• Turn off the computer at night. (Even I am muttering out loud here,”You’re kidding, right?”)
• Read a book. Something brilliant, funny and distracting. Perhaps something by Jennifer Weiner?
• Take up a craft. I actually did some painting recently. Not good painting, but it was distracting.
• While sitting criss-cross applesauce on a yoga mat with a candle burning and your eyes closed, repeat to yourself: “Everything will be ok…” until you actually believe it.

In the midst of all of this political and economic stress, what are your ways to remain calm? Or even better, how do you simply sane? Please share. I desperately need some help. We all do!

Cross posted at Type A Moms.

Last night, my husband and I found our son on the couch looking through a book. Nothing too surprising about that except for the fact that it wasn’t T’s book, it was my husband’s. And what is my husband reading about? How to write a dissertation. B. is completing his MBA and is currently working on his thesis. Anyway, so we found T. reading his book. We both chuckled. I said “Quick! Grab my camera!” Thinking the moment would last a minute before he went back to jumping off the couch into his pile of bean bag chairs, just like he does on most nights at home before bath time.

Then I realized he was actually trying to read it.

“Daddy, what does ‘empower’ mean?”

And while B. grappled with that one, I – being the Mommy that I am - just kept taking pictures while he tried to figure that stuff out.

And then I get this look.

So we left him be. I guess he had some reading to do. B. went to prep dinner, I went and changed.

But then I came back to the living room to find him STILL reading. About dissertations. Completely engrossed. Just like this.

And once again, my children achieve what was once considered an IMPOSSIBLE feat. They render me utterly speechless.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and, obviously, I am anxious to spread the word about important causes or new initiatives. This one really caught my eye. Have you head about it?

Dr. Susan Love has recently started the Army of Women initiative. She believes that the answer to finding a cure for Breast Cancer lies entirely in research. Simply doing more research will give all of us important answers – and potentially even a cure.

However, to do research, doctors need participants. The issue? There are not always participants available for research, whether it be the number of women or the right demographic of women available to deem a study’s results significant or successful. And while they would like to see women with breast cancer participate, this project is about every woman. They need women from every background, with or without a history of breast cancer, of all different ages and races, found all over the United States (they do hope to find volunteers internationally in the future).

So, to find the numbers and types of participants needed for research, Dr. Love has started the Army of Women project. It is simply an opporitunity for women like you and I to truly make a difference as researchers find a cure for Breast Cancer. All we need to do is sign up and wait. In a few months, they will email us information about local research projects. If we would like to participate, we can. If we don’t feel up to getting involved in that particular study, we don’t have to. It is always our choice, we self select ourselves for whichever study we would like to be involved in. Regardless, this initiative will offer researchers a database filled with thousands of women. In fact, they are aiming for over 1,000,000 registrants. Pretty cool, huh?

An Army of Women may seem familiar to you. Did you see them on the Today Show? If not, watch it here. Dr. Love does a fantastic job explaining the goals of this project and how get involved.

(Forgive me as I offer a quick sidebar here, it will only take a sec.)

Surprisingly enough, back in the day, I was a science major. I spent hours involved with, participating in or reading about research. At the start of one of my very first research classes, a favorite professor gave all of us wise advice. Reminding me a bit of Gandhi, she said something to the tune of: “If you want to see change happen, if you want to see results, if you want answers - you need to be a part of the process that makes it happen. If you are ever asked to be a part of research, take the time, respond, do the survey, offer yourself. Your time will mean results and evidence. And ultimately, it could mean answers to important questions. Always participate.” And since then, if I get a market research questionnaire, a pop up, a phone call asking me to rate my experience on a scale between 1 and 10, I do it. It is our responsibility to find the answers to our problems. And breast cancer is one heck of a problem. If your involvement in research brings us one step closer to a cure, you would do it, right?

So, I am hoping you are interested. If you would like to sign up and join the Army of Women, click here and register yourself. It’s very quick. Honestly, being the science dork that I am, I’m excited to see what sorts of studies come my way. But more than that, I am excited to actually be able to DO something. No more waiting around, lets all jump in there – a whole army of us – and stop a cancer that kills 110 women every day.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

- Gandhi

Are you looking for that special one-of-a-kind shellac to glue down and seal up all of your household knick knacks? Are you tired of cheap Elmer’s glue that peels off or expensive crazy glues that never work anyway?

Try Cheerio Glue.

Discovered by a mother of two boys, she swears by her now famous product.

“For years now, I have been trying to pry hardened Cheerios off my wood table or tiled floors. It took my 6 ft 4″ husband – and my GOOD butter knives – to get those gosh darn cheerios unstuck. And then I thought, ‘Well, why not put Cheerios to good use?’”

And she did. Now she glues everything in her house with Cheerio Glue. Chairs don’t slide across the floor anymore. The cat bowl stays in place. Good thing she likes TV because her new flat screen TV is now permanently part of her wall. She even created a tiled mosiac pattern of cheerios on the floor of her guest bathroom.

“All my guests comment on the originality – and permanence – of my art. Right now I am working on bedazzeling all my rugs with Cheerios. The kids are a great help just by eating their breakfast while I work. It’s fun for the whole family. Shoot, I can’t wait to see the reactions of my in laws when they come for the holidays!”

Broken coffee mugs, snapped pencils and busted plastic toys are all stuck back together, good as new, with a little Cheerio Glue.

And the best part about it? It’s easy and its cheap. Just pour a bowl of Cheerios, add milk and there ya have it. The liquid that forms at the bottom of your bowl can be used to glue anything your little heart desires. Simply drizzle it and wait. Before you know it, you will have a hard, fused, clear seal that no household cleaner can penetrate. Ever.

“Jr. is thrilled to know he can fix his broken Nintendo controller he smashed in a fit of rage. Now he just eats some Cheerios, drizzles it on and, VOILA, good as new. It really teaches him he can do anything if he puts his mind to it. Now he’s gotten all the way to level 78 on Super Galactic Mega Mario Brothers! Even when he gets real real mad at it. I am so proud.”

Impressive stuff. Not only that, the Government is currently testing it’s strength as a super powered protective coating for armored tanks – a little something from home on those tanks that actually protects our men. And did ya hear? Rumor has it Governor Palin has been adding some to her hairspray for those ”power Gov” doos she sports – leave it to another mom to put Cheerio Glue to use in something meaningful!

I bet you are dying to get your hands on some Cheerio Glue right now. Well, go out and buy yourself some Cheerios! And if you mail in 254 Cheerio box UPC symbols by November 1, we’ll send you a handy little plastic bottle to store your glue in!

But wait there’s more!

If you act now, we’ll throw in an extra glue bottle and even some Palin Cheerio Hair spray!

Nothing is more American that Cheerios, so go make some glue today and show the world how full of shellac we really are!

A friendship is a sacred thing. It is made scared by all that you share with and recognize in the other. And it is also made sacred by all that you do not share, as your differences challenge you to listen and grow in ways that you haven’t had to before. I can certainly appreciate this aspect of friendship right now. How come? One of my closest friend’s is a Republican. So, “viva la difference”, correct? We’re trying.

When you have an acquaintance, you know the touchy topics to avoid: religion, finances, family issues, and politics. With surface friendships, this isn’t such a hard thing to do. We would rather focus on the fun stuff like soccer practice or the next moms’ night out together anyway.

But my friend is more than just an acquaintance. She is something far deeper than that. She is someone my family shares holidays with, family trips with, and endless football Sunday afternoons with. We live on the same street. We both have two children. Our husbands happened to attend the same college. Our birthdays are one day apart. We both struggle with our mortgages, with coaxing our children to sleep, with making sure they are happy at school.

And yet, she is a Republican and I am a Democrat. Not only do we belong to opposing parties, we proudly stand by our political values. There’s no budging us and, needless to say, neither of us will be checking the same boxes come November 4th.

So, for the sake of our friendship, I am guessing your advice might be to avoid political discussions at all costs, correct? But here’s the thing. We are close friends. There is no topic left untouched. Nor should there be. Over bottles of wine long after the children are asleep, its inevitable that religion, finances and skeletons in our respectable closests come right on out for consideration. And yup, politics certainly jumps in there too, sure to shake up our wine induced ”heart to hearts”, while our families sleep on.

So how do we do it? How do we hold onto our friendship in the midst of a deeply emotional Presidential battle? I would not say it’s easy, and it certainly hasn’t been for others as well.

The blogger Queen of Spain writes about “outing” herself politically to acquaintances, and noting their varied reactions. However, it seems utterly impossible to avoid political chatter right now. Better than a season premier of “Lost”, the Nightly News has most of us wide-eyed and at the edge of our seats every evening. We can’t help it, our politics are bound to slip into even the briefest of conversations.

And how many of us are so fed up with the opposing party that we are potentially willing to lose friends? Should our political values really come before our friendships? Ilina at Dirt and Noise certainly is struggling with this very issue and I could not sympathise more with her.

Shannon McDowell (writing for Ezine) and Laurie Wiegler (writing for eHow) both offer us suggestions while navigating the choppy waters of a politically threatened friendship.

• Respectfully and tactfully discuss your choice using facts – not rhetoric.
• During the conversation, keep humor in and emotion out (if possible).
• Don’t attack or try to convert the other.
• Be sensitive to your friend’s beliefs and respect them.
• Involve the group in the conversation, make it less about one against the other.
• Agree to disagree – remember we each have the right to our own opinion.
• Reconnect after the conversation with a hug, laugh or handshake to establish that “yup, we’re still ok.”

Finally Mom-101 points out that while elections can truly test some friendships, we usually have more in common with one another than what we don’t. And this is the very point I come to at the end of the day with my friend.

Yes, for the next few weeks, there will be an elephant - and a donkey – in the room with my friend and I.  However, when we sit down and discuss our hopes and dreams, we are truly so much more alike than we are different. And as for our politics? She challenges me and I her. Diverse opinions are what makes this world go around. Preaching to our safe choir of friends will not allow us to grow. A partisan friendship such as ours isn’t easy right now, but we are both better for it. And at the end of the day, we still find ourselves on the same street, with the same children, holding on to the same hopes and dreams for our families.

Cross posted at Type A Moms.