Comments on: Spank My Kid, Hate Myself

By: ilinap

ilinap — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:26:55 +0000

No pun intended here, but don’t beat yourself up over this. We are human, and our children push us to limits and edges we never knew existed. 99.99% of the time we take a breath and deal with it. I too have been pushed over the edge with my Bird, who is willful and stubborn as, well, me. I popped him on the bottom once, but he was so worked up in a tantrum fit anyway he didn’t notice and beyond functioning. That spank was purely me losing my shit. I’ve been there, sister. Hugs all around.

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:59:28 +0000

All of your feelings are absolutely normal and understandable. I know that kind of mommy guilt and do everything in my power to avoid feeling it. But I really do gotta get out of the habit of jokingly saying, “I’m gonna beat that kid!” One time my oldest actually said (in public) “No, Mommy, don’t beat me!” He’s been a little smarty pants ever since he was a baby. :)

By: starrlife

starrlife — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 13:36:19 +0000

We’re not Stepford wife mommies, we’re human and raising a child is part of our developmental stages as well as theirs. It is scary and enlightening as to how we do when the buttons get pushed. I’ve learned to just apologize to my daughter when I screw up and show her that I’m human, make mistakes and try to re-connect, try a different way. I kind of do what I do with her, know what I’m capable of and then develop a plan to end run my impulses, ie. when I feel like swatting I give her, and myself a warning- “I’m really getting mad now”, as a way to defuse things. Not that I feel that way all that much,lol. Parenting teaches us major humility!

By: Anita Kaiser

Anita Kaiser — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:31:24 +0000

Mommying is so hard – being on the back burner all the time and having to fight lots of the time with a toddler can push you over the edge – I know it has me many a time. I haven’t actually spanked or used any kind of physcial action but I have used words that I know are not good either. I’ve already started practisding the words mommy makes mistakes too and I don’t know everything – and of course to that statement my almost three year old told me her daycare provider knows everything – even the things that I don’t! Anyway – hugs to you! I know the feeling! I think every mom does!

By: wyliekat

wyliekat — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:36:04 +0000

That’s all it ever is. I always say this, jokingly, but it’s very true -

“Parenthood: Finding new ways to fail, every day.”

By: Coma Girl

Coma Girl — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:59:49 +0000

I hope you don’t get too many negative comments from this. I have only been a biological parent for 2-1/2 years and I know that it happens. I have only slapped my daughter’s hand on 2 occasions. Both, like you, out of anger; when you cannot endure one more second of the tantrum and you don’t know what to do to make it stop.

And having teenage step-sons, I know that when they’re teenagers, you’ll want to slap them all of the time (not always out of anger, but to knock sense into them). But you can’t…because they’re bigger than you ;)

By: tcmom

tcmom — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:16:57 +0000

Wyliekat – You know I get what you’re feeling. I guess I’ve got two things to say about this whole thing. (1) We need learn to forgive ourselves and (2) if this is the worst thing we do as parents, I’m thinking we’re in pretty good shape. One day at a time, my friend.

By: wyliekat

wyliekat — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:49:25 +0000

I’ve used physical punishment with my daughter precisely twice. And both times were because I was mad. Once, I slapped her hand, because she kept throwing her food off her plate and onto the floor. Once, she was pushing and shoving at me, as a way to get my attention and I spanked her butt.

This is my public apology, too. Because I know my reasons for doing it weren’t good enough.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:50:56 +0000

This is a great post. I haven’t yet spanked – I have a 2-year-old, too – but I have done a lot of things that I swore I’d never do, and I’ve felt guilty about a lot of them. I feel like I’ve been losing my patience over and over and over again, and that in itself is frustrating. Why can’t I keep in mind the fact that she is 2 and she’s *supposed* to test, stall, test, complain, test, whine, test? But it’s easier said than done sometimes.

Not an ounce of judgement from me, just thanks for the honesty. And from the sidelines, some encouragement: Your son is no worse for a single swat on the bum, and you’re no worse a mom for delivering it. And tell that Mother of the Year award committee they can shove it! :)

By: carole@hippostoes

carole@hippostoes — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:45:06 +0000

First I want to say hugs to you! I can only imagine what you felt at the time, the frustration with your son and afterwards with yourself. But I can completely understand where you are coming from here. My 21 mo old son sometimes pushes my buttons and I was very close to a swat in the pants the other day myself but I didn’t do it (he was sitting at the table), but the same exact thoughts went through my head as what you voiced above. “What am I teaching him?” “Will he try to hit me if he sees me swatting him?” But I can completely and totally understand where your head was at that time! I was spanked as a child. A lot as a matter of fact. My husband and I said the same thing – we won’t spank, although I can see as he gets older that perhaps there may be a time when a swat in the pants is in order. I hope not, but I can see it. I don’t judge anyone that does it (as long as it isn’t excessive certainly), since I was spanked and I don’t think I suffer any ill effects. I just wanted to offer you my support and say to be easier on yourself. You are a good mommy!!!! :)