After the Storm and Over the Rainbow: A Gift from Maddie

While I pulled my son’s shirt over his head this morning, I eyed the news. A band of severe weather was making its way ashore directly west of us. And they were talking about Tornado threats. I pulled my boy close. That was the direction my son and husband were heading for school drop off.

So they saddled up, my son’s backpack slung over my husbands shoulder, I gave my them both extra kisses and warned my husband. “Keep an eye on this weather. Please.” Yes, yes. And off they drove. While they drove off, I pulled the potted plants out from under cover. They could use a watering.

Then I went back to watching the radar. A severe weather alert had been issued by now and the Today Show had been cut off. That’s about when the heart palpitations began. That line of bad weather had moved further inshore and a collection of about 30 or so rotating circles now rested along it. Those rotations were a sign of rotating winds, potential tornadoes – and those circles were headed due east. My son and husband were headed due west.

Maybe I was over-reacting, but I had a very bad feeling about those circles. I started to panic. Those circles. They kept moving east. And there on the radar map was the road my husband was driving on. And there, yes, that’s about where my son’s school is.

Uh uh. Oh my God. My baby.

I felt my throat tighten and the tears threaten. So I dialed my husband. In a sobbing rush, I asked him to find some shelter. “I don’t care if I am over-reacting. Just get cover, ok? Please?”  He agreed and said he would stop at the local barber where he needed a cut anyway. The news would be on there and at least my son would be with him.

Ok. Phew. Ok.

When the weather hit, it just seemed like some really intense thunder storm. Yes, the skies were green and dark, yes rain hammered the side of my house, yes the trees twirled and whipped about, yes there was very loud thunder and lightening. But I didn’t hear any sounds of a freight train coming. Toto and a little girl in brown pig tails never raced by. And I never had the urge to scream out for “Auntie Em, Auntie Em!”

Once it passed, I checked in with my husband.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. We watched it all here. But you know the intersection I was at when you called?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, minutes after we talked, a tornado was reported to have touched down there.”

“….Really?”

“But we’re fine. I’m taking him to school now. Everything has passed.”

“….Ok. Um. Ok.”

It seems I have been posting about panic a lot recently. And that fear of suddenly losing your child. I felt that today. Whether the threat was real or not, I believed my husband and child were in the path of real danger. And I couldn’t bear that thought. I didn’t want either of them gone in an instant because I never demanded that they stay home and wait out the storm. That panic. That fear of loss. THAT was real.

And during it all, of course I was on Twitter nervously tweeting away. There were all sorts of Floridians in the path of the storm. And news stations were following up with us, 20 homes in our area were damaged by a reported tornado. Were we ok? Did we have any pictures to share?

Laughing to myself and thanking each one of my lucky stars, I posted my “damage” (see picture to the right).

I was laughing but the taste of adrenaline was still there, at the back of my throat, reminding me: You thought you were going to lose half your family this morning, didn’t you?

Another mother on twitter posted about the snow coming down in her area. Huge amounts of it. I commented back that for mid April, that seemed hugely unfair. But then she replied back to me “I’d like to think that all the sun is in L.A. right now for Maddie.”

Today is Madeline Spohr’s funeral. Bloggers from all over the country have flown into L.A. Friends and family are gathering right now and laying 17 month old Maddie to rest.

So is that was this is? All of this crazy severe weather? Has it all come roaring ashore to wake us all up? Reminding us of what we have?  How dear our families are and how quickly they can be taken from us in an instant?

And IS the sun just busy right now? Shining on everyone gathered for Maddie today?

I can’t help but think so.

And while this tornado business was happening, and I was laughing about how little it seemed like the Wizard of Oz (this was before I heard about homes that were actually damaged only miles from me), someone posted a song for Maddie on Twitter. The song was Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole’s’ “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”.

Well. Honestly? No other song could seem more fitting right now.

Rest in peace over the rainbow, Maddie. You have taught me to hold my gifts close and remain forever grateful for all that I have. Thank you.