A few weeks ago I got a call from an audiologist doing screenings at my child’s school. In one long breath, she told me that my son had failed two hearing tests and would need follow up with an audiologist and referrals are being sent and I needed to wait to hear from them as they would set up the appointment – and that’s all the information she has.
Um, ok.
So I waited. They called eventually. They set up the appointment. I explained to my kid what was going on. But. I wasn’t worried.
I mean after all, he never turned up the TV or computer or seemed unable to hear something. He is doing great at school, his teachers have never mentioned any issues and he never seems confused. And surely when he doesn’t respond to my questions, that is just his personality. He is stubborn and reserved and sometimes he just doesn’t say anything when he doesn’t want to talk about something. That’s all.
Ugh. That is exactly something a mom would say to cover for her kid, isn’t it?
So today, my five year old and I marched in to see the audiologist. I was looking forward to having this over with so I could smugly declare “See? You all had it wrong. My kid hears fine. He just didn’t feel like raising his hand to the pesky beeps.”
The audiologist’s office had a sound proof booth which my son stepped right on into. He is so good about taking direction and obliged every command. I watched carefully through the window, willing his hand up every few seconds (even though I couldn’t hear a thing from where I stood).
After a variety of tests, the doctor handed my son a “I HADE A HEARING TEST TODAY!” sticker and sat down across from me.
“Your son has a mild to moderate hearing loss in his left ear. It is likely it is permanent. And considering how well he took the test, my guess is that this test is accurate.”
She went on to explain follow up tests, forms to bring to school, how we could help him. Sure, kids with this sort of hearing loss get hearing aides. But for one ear, it may not be necessary since the other ear accommodates for the loss.
Hearing aide?
She said it’s hard to know how it happened or if its something genetic but now we should follow up and watch it carefully.
Genetic? I could have passed this down to him? And what about my two year old? He must be tested right away. No wonder he can barely talk. Oh shit. How have I not noticed this hearing loss before? How? And I never followed up with that bilateral hearing test when he was younger. I didn’t want anything to be wrong. Is this from his birth trauma? Will this loss get worse?
I thanked her and left with my son skipping besides me. I forgot to ask her if this could get worse. What if this gets worse? Shit. Don’t panic.
“So, you know how mom has really bad eyes? And you know how if I take off my contacts, I can’t see really well?”
“Yeah. You could walk into a wall!”
“Uh, right. Well, I was born with eyes like that. Turns out you were born with one ear that doesn’t work as well as the other. No big deal. And that’s what all these tests are for.”
“Ok.”
“And maybe that explains why you can’t always hear me from the backseat when we’re driving. …Although, I can’t always here YOU from the front seat either…”
“I think then I got my bad ear from you mom.”
“Heh. Yeah.”
He could care less. And for the rest of the way to school, he munched happily on his Dunkin Donut, dreaming of his T-ball practice tonight. These results don’t change HIS world, its been this way for awhile.
I was calmer then too. And one fact comforted me the most: his birth trauma. Things could have been SO much worse. If this is it? If this is all we get for what could have been? This is no big deal. One thing those 11 days in the NICU gave me was perspective. This is fine. We can absolutely handle this.
By the time I arrived at his school, I had gathered myself. Cool, calm, a mommy in charge, I walked in and explained our morning.
“Oh.” She suddenly had a concerned look on her face. “I think you need to explain all this to someone else….” she trailed off as she ducked into the back office. Out came someone more “in charge” and after she heard the deal, she started rattling off procedures for a 504 plan and preferential seating and she would try and have him observed by someone or other who was coming in tomorrow and there will be forms to fill out and you will be called by so and so…
I didn’t feel so calm all of the sudden. Plans? Procedures? Huh?
She looked at me carefully then. “This must be very overwhelming for you dear.” She had a warm face and seemed very sympathetic.
Gulp. Finally a lump in my throat appeared. I chattered away about this and that and how I just want someone to be sure to check in with him because he won’t advocate for himself. He’s very shy and self conscious and I will be emailing his teacher and look forward to speaking to someone about his… er… 504 plan. Thank you.
Out I rushed to the car. And cried. My baby. He has a hearing loss.
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13 comments ↓
Aw lady. How stressful for you. I would absolutely spaz out about it too. Although in the long run it looks like something that can be managed really well. He’s lucky to have you there for him.
Now I’m crying and I only know you on Twitter.
Life takes turns sometimes, doesn’t it? ((hugs)) I think the turns do remind us of what’s important.
I understand how you feel. My son was diagnosed with hearing loss at age 4, and we have worked with the school to help him cope. He’s 8 now, and the teacher does simple things like accompanying an instruction with a hand signal to get his attention first. If he’s looking right at her, he gets the instruction… but he watches her lips.
When I first found out that something was wrong, it was tough to take. My sister’s son also had hearing loss — his was from birth, and she was devastated when she learned about it, because she had spoken words of comfort to him so often in the hospital. She wondered whether he had even heard them.
The fact that your son is reacting as though nothing has changed is a good thing. But I understand how you internalize it. You’re his mother. It’s what we do.
For now, I just wish you and your family peace.
[hugs] – Julia at Midwest Moms
Midwest Mom’s last blog post… The Deep Well of Motherhood
Oh mama, what difficult news. ((hugs)) I’m glad they found it early, and there’ll be a lot of ways his school can accommodate him. He has the gift of being young and adaptable. Maybe even blissfully oblivious to what it all means.
But for now? You can be scared and sad and worried with us while you’re brave and organized for him.
xxoo
cynematic’s last blog post… Mean Girls, Kung Fu Panda, and Battlestar Galactica
If it makes you feel any better (I know it won’t), I have the same issue in my left ear and I’m okay :) You still think I’m cool and I have hearing loss. Sometimes people have to repeat themselves or you take a moment longer to filter out the noise but it isn’t horrific. He’ll be okay and you’ll be okay. You just have to make sure as he gets older, he tells you if he’s having trouble hearing and he will. You’re still a great Mom and he knows that too.
I don’t know if this will help, but my brother was born preemie and has never been able to hear out of his left ear. (Actually, the ear itself never developed. He had several plastic surgeries as a kid to build a fake one with skin grafts & cartilage.) And he’s a brilliant musician, can pick things out on the guitar by ear (heh) within a minute of hearing them, etc. It really hasn’t affected him at all.
In fact, my mom (who was a teenager during the Vietnam War) said the one GOOD thing about his hearing loss was that it meant he could never be drafted into the Army. So, um, silver lining, I guess?
Anyway, I’m sorry. It’s never easy to hear that our babies are anything less than 100% perfect.
cindy w’s last blog post… iPhone geekery
Thank you so much for all of the supportive comments. Honestly, they help a lot – especially knowing how little a hearing loss in one ear can really affects things for the most part. One of my favorite comments was from a high school friend on FB from Swaziland, she said “It’s not a train smash.” And that’s excatly it. In the grand scheme of it all (and I should know better after the loss I’ve witnessed recently), this is HARDLY a train smash. Thanks again.
Hang in there, my friend. There are people and services to help T. (and you) to move forward. No way the son of Wonderwoman will let this hold him back!
Dealing with all the forms for school is overwhelming, and knowing what they are is just as overwhelming.
I think all moms over-compensate for their kids, I did for N all the time. Looking forward to hearing more from you :)
Susan’s last blog post… Super Top Secret Mother’s Day Jam
Aw, you poor thing. Don’t feel bad for feeling overwhelmed. It’s a natural reaction. Being the stress bag I am, I would have been crying at the first mention of hearing loss. But that’s because I’m a loser that way. Your son’s reaction is just what we moms need to embrace once in a while. We can learn a lot from those little kindergarteners.
Don’t look down at people because of hearing loss. Besides, he only has mild hearing loss. I’m completely deaf out of my left ear. It has not affected my life in the bit. I can even hear better than most, and even see it as being a advantage. The only downside is I’m not sure I can enlist. That’s it. There is no problem with it.
At all.
Wait, a 504 Plan? Preferred seating? Wow. Stupid teachers. Excuse me, but WTF? You should not treat your child any different due to minor hearing loss. It will lead to low self-esteem. I’m not being mean, just being truthful.
Really Scott u believe that? I have a child with hearing loss and I am all for treating him just like everyone else but the teachers got it right. Get him the help he needs so he don’t fall behind then wait till its too late and wonder what happened. Fight for everything u can do for ur child. If u don’t who will. That was a terrible comment about school. Teachers are doing the right thing. Better than ignoring it. My son is very happy and excels in sports and school and he has been wearing a cochlear implant since 2 and he is 7. No low selfesteem here. It’s all how u talk to him and treat him. I don’t gamble on my son’s education. He has been an honor student since he started school. Keep the good work mom. You will get through this.
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