There is always something with these kids of ours. We parents are left stumped, with question marks, exclamation points and other choice symbols dancing over our heads. Right now my two year old is once again baffling me and I am left shaking my head.
When my two year old was an infant, he always reached up for my hair when he breast fed. It was quite sweet… until he yanked. But my hair was his “go to” when he needed comfort. And this habit has long carried over well past those early breast feeding months. If he needs comfort or is particularly tired, up his hand creeps and he finds himself a handful of my hair. He spins it in his fingers and yes, sometimes he gives it a tug or two.
And if I am not nearby and he is tired, he plays with his own hair: twirling, spinning, running his little boy fingers through it all.
However. Sometimes (and this has happened a handful of times, especially when his hair is too long), I have found him fresh from his nap with… a bald spot. I guess he twirled to much. His shirt is sprinkled with hair. And he and his little bald patch smile up at me.
What the….?
Doesn’t that hurt!? Apparently not as much as it comforts.
When we find these patches (maybe once or twice a year), my husband and I are annoyed. Ugh. Now what? Well, after receiving some advice from Dr. Google, I’ve heard that cutting his hair short should break him of the habit. And so that’s what we do.
But that, of course, makes the bald patches clear and visible to all. A big pink spot shining on for all the world to see.
“Did you guys miss while cutting his hair? Did he get a hold of the clippers?”
I WANT to say “It was something like that.” or “YES!” But I don’t because I am too damn honest. I usually roll my eyes and say “Its a long story.” Because if I DO explain the whole deal, I get an uncomfortable silence. You know other parents are thinking its odd, compulsive behavior. It clearly reflects some sort of anxiety within, right? Or maybe they think its due to MY odd, compulsive, anxiety within and my parenting license really should be reconsidered, I mean reeeally.
Ok, well, this is what I think they are thinking…
(See? I am anxious and compulsive!)
But still. You can tell they are weirded out. They stare and scramble to say something to normalize it. So I rush on about it being “just a comfort thing” and that he is “going to grow out of it”.
You know what else? I make him wear a hat too.
Because I am embarrassed. Which I feel badly about. I mean, this is no big deal, right? But irregardless whether I actually AM, I don’t want anyone judging or thinking I am some weird parent. Like I am driving my kid to pull handfuls of his hair out in some whimpering, nightmarish slumber, finally safe from his mothers haranguing. Or that he will grow up with bald patches, running around naked from the waist down, with a loony smile plastered on his face, throwing down earth shattering temper tantrums on a dime.
(Which is exactly what he does RIGHT NOW.)
I know am being reeeeally dramatic. This is NO BIG DEAL, is it? This is not even the same ballpark as hearing loss or train smashes is it?
Still. I stress.
(And besides. I don’t think I’d be a very good blogger if I didn’t stress like I do. It’s kind of my shtick.)
Enough already. There is nothing to be ashamed about. So I am posting about his bald patch here. Coming out of the closet about my child’s random, self hair mutilation… (which I swear he is totally going to grow out of).
Plus, he is pretty damn cute with a bald patch. Dontcha think?
I love my boy so. Hair should be no pre-requisite for any son of mine.
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8 comments ↓
That short hair just makes his precious face SHINE!! so darling!
I have no words of wisdom and cliche’s are so done..
so sending you hugs and I think it takes a helluva woman to post this so atta girl!
one day, this’ll be one of those things you look back on and grin.
I am a hair twirler. Sometimes I get a little carried away and my hair breaks, but I don’t pull it out by the root.
My son is a hair twirler, too, but it’s never been long enough for him to get enough of a grip to pull it out.
If you’re concerned, and it seems like you are, call the pediatrician. There’s something called trichotillomania – it involves pulling out your own hair. It’s probably just a phase, but your pediatrician could help you make sure it doesn’t develop into more of a problem. Don’t fault yourself. It’s just one of those things.
I once worked with a girl who didn’t just pull her hair out by twirling… she pulled it out so hard that her scalp would bleed. Your son isn’t doing that, so I think he’ll be okay! :-)
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NO BIG DEAL. I have felt the same, exact way as you do about my daughter’s hair twirling. I just realized I encourage her to wear headbands because the left side of her head has dramatically less hair. She twirls, gets her fingers tangled, and it has slowly thinned out. Buzzing her hair is not an option!
I notice her doing it when she’s tired or distracted. Maybe it’s genetic because I’ve twirled my hair since I was a kid. I even had a bald patch on the crown of my head until I realized that wasn’t a good look for me. It still makes my mom a little nuts.
I have always read that it is a self-soothing method and that having the ability to soothe is a good thing, despite a little hair loss. I wouldn’t worry one bit. He’s so cute.
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I have to respond. I have trichotillomania and have for 2o odd years. It is soothing, it feels GOOD to pull my hair out. Weird yeah to most I know, my mom was horrified. I never understood why she was so upset , it was my hair. Then I saw my 2 year old tugging on his one night and I was filled with dread. You don’t want your child to stand out in any way that could be a source of teasing, weird looks etc…
Your son is precious and I do hope it’s a phase.
It’s rare for kids to have it and my guess is it could be a phase, but feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
I couldn’t read this post without saying something.
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No uncomfortable silences here!
I was (and probably still am) a paranoid mum. There was a time when my son did pull at his hair (probably a couple of times), yanking out a bit of it and of course I panicked and researched it extensively, I even read up on bzoar’s – eewww.
All of our kids do things that are weird. It’s the great thing about being a kid, you get to do all those things, just because. Only when you’re older do you have to worry about what everyone else thinks and what is polite and appropriate.
Thanks so much for writing about this in your blog though, I’m sure there are other Mum’s out there that have similar things going on and it’s so nice to know that you aren’t the only one thinking those things!
Oh gosh, I feel you. My daughter started this when she was a baby too. She’s now 16 and STILL DOES IT. I have to constantly get her attention and remind her not to, because she isn’t even aware she does it. But she has a thin spot on the top of her head…which is embarassing to her, but geez kid! Now my 2.5 year old is starting to do it. He had a fixation with my own hair, like you described. I broke him of that and now I notice him turning to his own head. So I’m always moving his hands away. I swear, people must think I make my children neurotic.
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He is adorable no matter what his hair looks like. I mean, look at that smile! I grew up with a girl who plucked at her eyelashes when she was stressed. She didn’t have *any* eyelashes at all until well after college. Now there was nothing adorable about that; she just looked creepy.
*hugs* to you my dear. I have to agree with the pp…all kids do something weird. S sucks on his shirts…like seriously will soak them. WTF? Z grinds his teeth…I can hear it from across the room…GAH!!! I had many *ticks* as a child. Oy these children of ours!!!
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