These are the words I wrote and spoke at my mother’s funeral today. May she rest in peace.
Children never fully appreciate their mothers. We arrive on the scene squawking and hungry, we toddle about expecting arms to catch us, we throw bears from moving cars and scream until our mothers turn around the car, we whine about talking dolls until they magically appear under Christmas trees, we want our own phones, our own identities, our own jobs. But our mothers better have our backs when we don’t know how to apply to college or open a checking account. We expect it all from this unwavering constant in our lives – our mothers.
I suppose that is how nature intends it. I suppose that is the essence of parenting: a selfless, unconditional, buffer – there through it all, no matter how much a growing child demands otherwise, rarely looking back over their shoulders.
But here’s where Mother Nature – yes, clearly a mother also – chuckles to herself with great satisfaction. These selflessly raised children become parents too. That daughter in the backseat who demanded her ejected bear – becomes a mother also. And it is not until THEY hold a squawking child of their own in their arms that they ever conceive of just how much their own mothers have done for them. Without fanfare, without ticker tape parades, without sky writers and accolades and acknowledgment.
My mother was certainly far from the ticker tape parade type. While she had her opinions and was unapologetic about any of them, she quietly gave. All the time. And while her thoughts on most topics were to the point and plainly apparent, she never ever drew much attention to her selfless, heartfelt, generous nature.
There is so much about my mother that I don’t think I ever truly recognized or appreciated enough. I loved her, I understood her, but I saw her as a constant. Even once my children were born, and I was able to find real understanding and empathy from my mother (and for my mother), I still just thought she would always just be there. If I couldn’t get anyone else on the phone, she’d be there. If I needed child care for an important event, she’d fly down. If I couldn’t find the right frame for my pictures, she would write it on her list and search endlessly, 5 or 6 stores in one afternoon, and then research it on her computer until that certain frame was found. I knew she would though. She always had before. She was my mother. She was always there.
It has been 5 days since my mother has passed. And now I am finally looking back over my shoulder to say thank you. But my constant – my mom – is gone. She’s not in her garden planting a zillion bulbs. She’s not lost down the aisle of a store tracking down some random item on her list (while we search for her). She’s not upstairs napping in her bed with the television on and a book resting on her stomach. She’s not holed up in her computer room, playing endless games of solitaire. I keep looking for her, expecting her to be there, but she’s not.
But. She is here today. And right now, this is my moment to finally truly say it. To say thank you for everything. For teaching me to drive on first encounter beach. For dropping me off in front of First National with my first pay check and telling me to go open a checking account. For buying me a huge sundae from sonic the night before my three year old was born. For the tough love and the soft love and the quirky awkward love and the most heartfelt, determined love. Mom. I thank you for it all. Thank you.
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30 comments ↓
beautiful, C. You have a way with words. I’ve been thinking of you all day and hope the service was as beautiful and peaceful as it deserved to be. Much love to you and your family.
A beautiful tribute to a Mom who sounds like she was remarkable.
Love to you. That was beautiful. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I’ve been thinking about you every day.
This was beautiful.
My heart hurts for you, darling. I’m so sorry for your loss. When I see you, soon, I will deliver the hug I’m aching to give you.
Oh, hon. This was beautiful. I am sending so much love in your direction right now.
Just beautiful. And amazing. The apple certainly didn’t fall far from the tree, as is so often said. Your mother was obviously an incredible woman who taught her daughter to be much the same. Bless your heart, Caroline. I’m thinking of you.
Lovely She would be proud LOVE TO YOU!
I’ve been thinking of you a lot, Caroline. This was absolutely beautiful.
What a wonderful tribute to your mother. My heart is aching for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Deepest sympathies to you and your entire family.
Beautifully said and felt. xoxo
Beautiful.
This was so beautiful.
I am so, so sad for you right now.
XO
Incredibly touching and so truthful. Beautiful words for your beautiful mom.
That was beautiful. Brought me to tears. So sorry for your loss.
That is so beautiful, that I am sure your mom is beaming with pride up in heaven. Crying tears for you and praying for you. Thanks for sharing your mom with all of us.
This is a great reminder that our loved ones will nit be with us forever. I’m sorry for your loss. I am going to go say Thank You to my mom right now.
My heart goes out to you. I lost my mother/best friend in 1994 and still miss her so much. Your words were very touching and thoughtful.
that was beautiful……
In puddles over here dear. You definitely found the words you were searching for. Love, strength, and peace to you all.
xo
Dallas
I’m so sorry about your mom. Losing a mother is unbelievably hard. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Big hugs from across the nation. Thank you for sharing this with the internet. I know the world was a better place because your mother was here.
absolutely beautiful, c. your mom is so proud of you. xoxo
Your mom left a wonderful legacy in you, and the mother you have become.
Beautifully written, as always. Your Mom is so proud of the woman, and mother, you are. Now she is with you in a way she never could be before, and she’ll be helping you every step of the way.
Sweetie, I wish right now I could give you a big hug. It will have to wait until September. Beautiful sentiment, beautiful tribute. You have captured her well.
you are so brave, not only brave to write this but brave to share it.
you made your mother proud.
C-
You have been on my mind so much the past few days. Your word are so perfect, and filled with love, grace and kindness. Beautiful.
Although we don’t know each other personally, you are on my mind. Having lost my mom three months before my first child was born, I truly understand the intense feelings of loss and emptiness.
What has helped me (over time) is knowing how much my mom and I loved each other and that no matter what happens, no matter how much time passes, I am and will always be her daughter; I find comfort in knowing that. I wish the same for you.
Beautifully written.
I’m so sorry I’m just now reading about your loss.
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