So. The other day my innocent little Morningside Mom blog got hacked. It didn’t last long because I freaked out, switched on the Internet bat-call and the wonderful Shannon Entin came through for me once again.
She (thanks be to all that is good on the internets) fixed it.
And as someone who writes, but is woefully unskilled in web techie stuff – Shannon’s skills are so beyond just simply appreciated. I mean she may as well have been standing in front of my laptop, posed in tights and with cape flying in the wind out behind her, one foot propped on whichever toy lay closest. She is smarter than a speeding bullet and rescues non techies in a single bound. My hero. For reals.
Thankfully it wasn’t a hard core hack. Just someone hacking me because they just could.
(Bastards. I hope karma gets you good and you have a complete zit explosion before school next week and you totally get your ass grounded somehow.)
Lesson of the day? Keep your updates updated, change your passwords, keep your passwords (duh, but seriously) and back up your work.
Anyway, so the whole hacking business was timely. Why? Because I’ve been in kind of a strange place with online stuff recently. I think maybe it started last December when I saw some online ugliness rear its head. And then there was lots of chatter about moms being online so much. If we “digital moms” are getting so much done online, what kind of mothers could we be anyway?
(…because mothers can’t possibly multi-task THAT well. Because mothers wouldn’t work on weekends and late into evenings to get something done just because she loves it. Because mothers shouldn’t be doing JACK except stare at their kids playing, eating and pooping all day. Because any stay at home mom who might just happen to have some multi-dimensionality, some other interests, some drive and push in her life along side her love for her children COULDN’T POSSIBLY be a good mother.
I hate that crap. WITH A PASSION.)
So while those conversations were happening online and on cable news networks, it was only natural that I started evaluating how much time I spend blogging. It’s a lot of time.
However. I will staunchly defend myself on this. Like most of the amazing “digital moms” I know, I can assure you that my kids “tricycle riding, playground playing, snuggle and a book reading, homework sitting, ass wiping, coming home from school tripping, feeding, feeding and feeding” time is not compromised. I do those things and I do them well.
But that just started feeding into another issue I’ve been questioning. One most bloggers I know struggle with regularly. I suddenly started feeling that for ALL the work I pour into writing online and for almost nothing in return financially while being questioned about my capabilities as a parent for blogging in the first place…
(Note the daggers shooting out of my eyes for questioning my mommy skillz. Don’t even.)
All the work and time and effort I do put into writing online for not a ton in return other than the pure satisfaction of writing…
Well.
Is it really worth my time?
Is all of this worth anything?
Ok, I feel like I must sound so crazily unappreciative. I know blogging has brought me adventures and friendships and experiences I would never EVER have had otherwise. There would be no way any of it would have happened without this blog.
So maybe this whole post is just a whiney waste of my reader’s time.
But.
Still. I can’t help but question all of this sometimes.
And when my blog suddenly got hacked, all of it, all of this, seemed suddenly so vulnerable. One day, one decent hacker, and *POOF* all this is gone, all that hard work down the drain.
This online stuff is just in a computer after all. It’s not an organic, living, breathing thing. Its just vague internetty beeps, codes, whatever. One wrong delete button gets pushed or some system crashes somewhere and… its nothing.
Ok, I’m being dramatic. I know I am. If its backed up well enough, I should be ok. (I can hear tech-inclined folks telling me its so. And probably giving me a very eye-rolling “oh please” look when I question the real-ness of the internets.)
And you know what else is real, organic, living and breathing? The fabulous friendships and connections I’ve made. THOSE are very real.
And something else which is extraordinarily valuable, very real and wholly alive is, well, my sanity.
Because while I do all that mothering stuff well (and enjoy doing it very much), there are days when I don’t see another adult until late in the evening, when the kids are fast asleep. I am not simply an ass wiping entity. I need to think. And use grown up language about grown up topics. And blogging offers me this. If nothing else, my sanity is handed over to me daily, like carefully prescribed doses of xanax in its own little while paper cup. Be a good mom, take your meds, nice job, back to your corner in your bathrobe where you rock and hum to yourself while parenting your children. Good girl.
Ok. Again with the dramatics.
I’m just trying to make my point.
I bust my ass online everyday but… when I shut my laptop… I can’t help but have the feeling that some hologram-like world around me has suddenly disintegrated and I am left standing alone in my kitchen again. The friendships are wonderful and important (I love you guys!) – but they aren’t right here, right now, for laughs and drinks and hugs, now, IRL. The experiences are fabulous, but they are fleeting and don’t pay the mortgage.
My sanity is priceless however. So hologram world it is. Bring it on.
Ugh.
But before I leave this post on that really pathetic note, I need to take some responsibility here.
The Internet and all of this blogging is only what you make of it. I’m writing all the time, but do I bust my hump to sell myself? Or my writing abilities? Am I all over SEO and Google ranking? Um. Not so much. I’m really sucky PR for myself. There are plenty of online moms who are making much more out of their blogging experience. Why? Because they have their own back. And I need to do that more. Put myself out there. Get more outside gigs. Not just sit here at home, sigh a lot, and wait for it all to drop in my lap.
Yep. So that’s that. All that has been rattling around in my brain about blogging, its hackability, vulnerability and my general purpose outside of parenting.
Back to real life. Or my hologram life. Which one? Or are they the same….
(Oh. Nice, hitchcocky ending.)
I mean Oscar Wilde probably had it right about life imitating art rather than vice versa.
Back to life then. Because it is my life after all.
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10 comments ↓
I read this on my phone and couldn’t comment.
Dude. So many of these things have gone through my mind. And I would FREAK OUT SO MUCH if my blog got hacked. It makes me realize I need to back up my blog because even if I quit tomorrow I’d want to keep those words.
So much of this resonates with me. I feel like we need to get together asap for a rousing fist bump or something. I am determined to make 2010 a better year on my blog and whether that means stepping back or going full speed ahead or WHAT I don’t know yet. But my eyes and ears are open.
I’m glad you put this out here. And I’m proud of you for sharing.
AND I totally believe in what you’re doing.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..in memory =-.
This is a FANTASTIC post! I agree with everything you said. I wish some of these people who question our mothering skills could spend one day with us in our homes. While reading this post, for example, I stopped three times: once because my toddler came and got me to play mega-blocks, once to scrub something with the magic eraser and once to refill a sippy cup. The entire time I’m on the computer, if there is a conscious child around, I’m talking to him and pausing whenever he needs me. Honestly? Most of my blogging happens late at night when he’s asleep, since that is the only time I can sit and concentrate without interruption. The online community is an important place, full of support, words of encouragement, advice and real friends. I would not have gotten through the past couple of years without my online friends. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s a good thing.
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..Comfort Food Saturday: Potato Logs =-.
Aw! Caro! I’m sorry your blog was hacked. That totally sucks. And I can not believe that people would call into question the mothering skills of women who spend a lot of time online. That is beyond me. I mean, really. It sounds like something from the 1950′s! (Except the internet stuff.- haha) And, yeah, you know it’s real. The blog, the internet, the readers, the experiences, the interactions- it’s all really real.
While you may lack a paycheck, benefits, job security, etc., you also avoid looming deadlines, office politics, and paperwork! Right?
What is your goal for the blog? To make money? If so, then bust your ass with PR/self-promotion/etc. and you will. But my goal with my blog is to please myself. I’ve done a LOT less with my blog than you, granted, but I’ve intentionally been that way because I don’t want the blog to take control of my life. I think it’s really easy for bloggers to get wrapped up in ratings, traffic, freebies, etc, and to get frustrated by their lack of these things.
Maintaining a blog is an act of love. A blog is what you want it to be. So define your mission, share your life/insight/wisdom, and ENJOY the blog every minute. You get what you give- in blogs and in everything, right?
Much love, my sister!! From 1993 (BEFORE blogs?) until today and forever more!! :)
.-= Cami´s last blog ..Crochet Couture =-.
Awesomeness. You are genius, but we in the know already knew that.
Sorry about getting hacked. I’m glad you were able to get it all back.
I ask myself a lot of the same questions, often. I also wonder why I’m not getting more cool gigs, but I’m not going out and looking for them, either. I guess I lack the savvy business skills to go that route. I’m sure I could learn them, if I tried. But I haven’t.
There are only so many minutes in the day, and I have to spend a huge chunk of them at a job. I wish I didn’t have to, but I do. I love my blog and my online friendships and all of the things I’ve been fortunate enough to experience because of one or the other. But, like you said, they exist in this hologram world that seems so disconnected from my real life.
But then, we all need time to enrich ourselves as moms, don’t we? We need to do things that make us interesting and competent and confident PEOPLE before we can even think about wiping butts and noses and helping our children to become interesting and competent and confident people.
So let’s flip a collective bird to those who think we can’t be people while we’re busy being moms. They’re only criticizing us to make themselves feel better about whatever their own insecurities anyway.
.-= Tara @ Feels Like Home´s last blog ..She Just Needed to Be Heard =-.
I got hacked last year and it sucked. It took me a month to get back to where I was and lost a lot of the momentum that I had built up. So sorry for that.
I find myself feeling like I need a disclaimer sometimes, “I’m online because the boys are at school and the baby is napping” or “My kids go to bed early, so it’s ok I’m tweeting.” Stupid.
All people need a variety of things in their lives. We can’t be sane otherwise. We can’t let our children be our entire world day in and out. What happens when they grow up and leave? And yes, moms are people too. ;)
.-= Brenna´s last blog ..Providing support to Haiti through sales =-.
AMAZING post…I often wonder the same things. Blogging has saved my sanity more times than I can count though, but it doesn’t pay the bills. I also don’t sell myself or attempt to freelance write, so it’s like you said…your blogging experience is what you yourself makes of it. :)
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..Impatient =-.
That just happened to us, not once, but 4 times! I know exactly how you feel, it’s very violating! I’m glad you recovered nicely with content intact.
Regarding the mom comments, I would say put it on the back burner and shrug it off, and keep going with what you do best.
Cheers!
.-= Heidi from Savory Tv´s last blog ..Cremini Mushrooms Stuffed With A Caper And Crab Salad =-.
I’m glad you were able to get it fixed. I think blogging is going through a shift and many of us are taking a hard look at the investment vs payoff.
I spend a ton of time online. But, lately I’ve neglected my blog and my blogging commitments. Why? Because I’ve been hanging out with my family. Wii games, movie nights, out to dinner taking my son to the park; we’ve been doing a lot together and I love it! But, the more time I spend on one thing the less time I can spend on another and the blog has taken a slight backseat.
I enjoy my online time and my online friends very much. I’ve been using my brain and fostering my own creativity. It’s important for me (and I’d venture to say all of us) to nurture ourselves and souls or we get lost. I was many things before I became a wife and a mom and when I start forgetting that I’m miserable and make my family miserable in turn.
Keep doing what you do and we’ve got your back too.
.-= Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..I Know You’re Out There: Delurker Day 2010 =-.
What everyone else said. Love you dearly and think you’re the shiz-nit.
It’s a compliment to be hacked, right? Geesh. I wouldn’t even know where to begin if that happened to me. Every single thing you said in this post could have come from my mouth, er, keyboard, too. I don’t know diddly about techie SEO Google blah blah blah but I love to write. I don’t spend an iota of my time selling myself or my writing. So while you’re waiting for “it” to drop in your lap, I’m waiting right beside you. Cheers, my friend!
.-= ilinap´s last blog ..5:00 Fridays =-.
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