Married People Dread Valentine’s Day Too

So Valentine’s Day is coming up.

*Groan*

You know, single folks aren’t the only ones who dread this holiday. Women who have been with their husbands for over thirteen years do too. People in relationships, who feel all kinds of pressure to do something romantic that day, roll their eyes when the hearts and cupids get busted out as soon as Christmas day is over. Because if we don’t come up with something romantic, something good enough, something that stands up well enough to a 10 year marriage, well, what kind of wives, husbands and partners are we anyway?

Now don’t get me wrong. I love my husband dearly. And I am happy to celebrate our relationship whenever I can. And I certainly don’t think we absolutely must prove the worth of our years together simply because this “Hallmark Holiday” has rolled around once again.

But still. It’s Valentine’s Day and, well, I want to do something for us. Because it’s easy to forget about us and this day reminds us to give what we have some attention.

And yet that pink and red aisle and all those stuffed animals and boxes of crappy (whats in the center of those things anyway) candy just annoy me. And the price gouging for dinner reservations. And those insane $50 bunches of roses. And the cheese-ball, heart shaped, diamond chip encrusted necklaces now on sale at JC Pennys for $99.99. Are you kidding me with all of this?

Please no.

So after all these years together, we have to – once again – come up with something for one another. And not any of the usual over-priced silliness listed above either.

So where does that leave us?

We’ve been trying at this holiday for awhile now. And unless you get super creative and thoughtful, it usually comes up flat. And I feel bad about throwing together a card and a kiss and he feels bad about the sad batch of roses he picked up on the way home at Publix that never bloom. I love you for those roses, hon. I do.

Who are we kidding.

Valentine’s Day is meant for kids….

Who chomp away on those heart shaped candies and gleefully give away tiny perforated Valentine notes, making sure the card they pick for that one cute boy at school is the best one in the bunch, and should they sign “love” before their name, giggle, giggle?

Valentine’s Day is meant for high school sweethearts…

Who buy into the boxes of candy and pink stuffed bears and cards and all of the crap. It’s still a novelty then. And your sweetheart makes your heart soar and who cares how silly it all is, I’m buying it for them and they’re going to love it. And they do.

Valentine’s Day is for first loves…

That’s when you do the dinners out. The bunches of roses. And not care how expensive it is. How could you while you can hardly eat or breathe or think from the distraction of the other. Hearts, hearts, hearts, birds tweeting about your head… so what about the rest.

Valentine’s Day is for when you meet your husband…

Ah yes. Those fluttering hearts and tweeting birds spun furiously about my head in February of ’97 – the first Valentine’s Day I spent with my now husband. Cupid had landed one where it counts and I was utterly besotted, I tell you. Lovesick but on a shoe-string college budget, I was forced to get creative. I made a mixed tape (which is SO what you did for the one you loved back then, never underestimate the romantic power of a good music mix). I also bought a fantastic bottle of pathetically cheap champagne. And I bought four bags of heart shaped balloons. Then, with help from an eye-rolling friend, we blew them all up, bagged them and drove over to where my husband’s car was parked at work, always unlocked. Sure that we would be caught at any moment, I slipped the tape into the tape deck of his old Lumina. I carefully placed the champagne on his passenger seat. And then filled his entire car with those balloons. He drove around for weeks with those balloons in his car.

*Swoon* that he did that too.

Sigh.

That was a good Valentine’s Day.

But as the years have rolled by and kids have busied our days and late work schedules interrupt our nights and breathtaking budgets keep frivolity to a minimum… well, Valentine’s Day? Ugh. Really?

I don’t want any of what’s on sale for that day.

He doesn’t want any of what’s on sale for that day.

The value of our relationship and all that it stands for doesn’t deserve any of what’s on sale for that day.

So where does it leave us? What DO all of our years together actually deserve on Valentine’s Day? Well, the answer is so simple that even CVS forgot to shelve it. If it even could.

The answer is TIME TOGETHER.

The kind of time we had thirteen  years ago. The kind of time where we’d meet at a local coffee shop or bar and wind up spending hours there talking and telling stories. The kind of time when we could laugh uninterrupted and dream up fantasy vacations and sit in the space of the other and adore having a partner as amazing as this one.

It is no wonder that stuffed bears and enormous pink boxes of mystery candy and $50 unbloomable roses just don’t hack it.

After thirteen years, nothing seems to do enough justice to our time together other than time itself.

I love you, husband of mine. We’ll find the time. Wilted Publix roses and all.