On Monday, my son began his Spring Break at the beach.
Today, Friday, he is spending his fourth night in the hospital.
While I now know what caused all of this, I know I’ve hardly processed any of it yet (hence this here blog post). Because the kind of trauma his lungs have experienced may as well have resulted from being hit by a car. It was almost as severe and just as unexpected.
But he wasn’t hit by a car. He got the flu.
In a matter of hours, my son went from coughing the kind of cough any common cold would bring on to lying on the couch, panting for breath. By the time we got to the Doctor’s office an hour later, he had a fever. After 24 hours, many anti-biotic shots, endless nebulizer treatments and finally one chest x-ray – he had to be admitted to the hospital.
These past few days have seemed far from real life. We were told he might not get through the first night without being transferred to the ICU. There were conversations about a severe collapsed lung, tubes being shoved into his chest cavity and pneumonia. He fought his mask but, without full coverage, his oxygen levels plummeted. He whimpered constantly. He hardly moved. His color was wrong. His eyes were blood shot. His fever spiked to 103. Respiratory therapists, nurses and doctors hovered, watched, switched IV lines, upped oxygen, answered alarms, updated his charts and waited.
I took pictures but I can’t bring myself to post more than what I have here.
Yesterday, the doctor walked in with the CT scan and blood results. Yes, he had a pneumothorax which had caused his lung to collapse slightly. But he also had pneumonia and the flu.
“The flu caused all of this.” he told me.
The flu. I knew it could be serious but I never knew it would be this serious for MY children.
No, I didn’t get my boys their flu shots either. I have good reason too. And the doctors agreed with my decision.
But that doesn’t mean the rest of the world shouldn’t go ahead and get one, especially if you’ve never had an allergic reaction to it. Because a needle prick is a whole lot less horrible than all of these days and nights fighting to breathe - which is just the flu.
Mind-blowing.
The good news is that he has been fighting hard and impressing everyone with his marked improvement. While I refused to accept Dr. Google’s “life-threatening” warnings from day one, I know – I KNOW – it could have been much worse.
And you can bet I’ve been drawing parallels with this stay and my fear of the pulsox machine to his first 11 days of life in the NICU. Both times I spent my time staring at his oxygen levels. Both times I was jarred back to reality by the oximeter’s alarm. Both times I wondered how this could have happened.
But just like his first 11 days of life, my sweet boy is battling back. We WILL be released eventually, maybe even soon. This isn’t forever. This is a story I will tell someday, this is only a memory in his future about that time he was in the hospital.
And then I watch mothers follow their bald babies toddling up the hallway in balloon printed dressing gowns with IV lines in tow. I see families who know this place and greet their nurses arriving to their shifts like family members coming home. I know we could have been dealt a much harder hand.
He’s asleep now. His oxygen cannula has been turned off, his IV is only on for meds, and his pulsox is blessedly quiet. I am grateful for his improvement. I am grateful for the care he’s received. I am grateful for the fight within this very quiet, careful boy. And I am breathlessly, forever grateful that I have my son. I have him. I can unplug him and take him home and make him eat his carrots and love love love him. Life will go on and (so many silent prayers of gratitude) so will my son.
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10 comments ↓
Oh I’m so sorry you guys are going through this! And, for what it’s worth, with your story in my mind, I’ll never feel bad again about calling my ped for my concerns over a cough.
This week, I sent my daughter in for what I thought was the common cold but the cough was getting worse. I felt silly but something just seemed off. Turns out, it’s another ear infection and now we’re staring down the barrel of tubes.
BUT, that has nothing to do with your sweet boy and I’m so happy he’s on the mend. Hang in there and hopefully with a quieter room you’ll get a bit more sleep tonight. Love and hug on that brave boy!
Jackie´s last [type] ..Sick Day
Thank goodness… I’m so happy for you and that he’s better.
An acquaintance’s niece just passed away (at 9yo) from meningitis. It was so…shocking. At first, I thought, well, did they take her to the doctor, how did it progress, why didn’t they catch it… and then I caught myself. We make decisions for our kids with the absolute best of intentions (I, too, chose to forgo the flu shot last year)… I thought of how many times I’ve let my kids’ fevers run high before I give them medicine so they can fight it off, and it’s always worked out — maybe that girl’s parents did the same?
You just never know is what I’m trying to say, I guess. We just do our best, you know? Anyway, I’m so, so, so GLAD your son is better.
Caroline! I am so sorry to read all this. Sending so much love and strength to him, and to all of you.
xox
slouchy´s last [type] ..Speechless In the Good Way
oh my goodness, I had no idea. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m glad that he’s feeling better. Please take care of yourself too. xo
marinka´s last [type] ..I Don’t See Why Sophie’s Choice Was So Tough
Oh C. I have been thinking of you guys all week. He’s just such a scrappy, strong kid, and absolutely the LAST kid I would think would be hit by the flu this hard. It’s so scary and such a reminder to all of us to follow our mom instincts and get straight to the doctor when things feel weird and bad.
You are SO strong. I cannot believe you’re able to compose your thoughts so clearly right now, and more than that, that you’re taking the time to remind other parents to consider flu shots.
I love you, lady. I can’t wait for you all to be back home and for this to be a crazy adventure you look back on.
Maria´s last [type] ..Teeth Have Feelings Too
Holy cow! I’m so sorry he’s been so sick — and so happy he’s getting better!
I have been keeping you all in my thoughts and am so glad he is on the mend…I am also glad you have your blog to vent, process and educate!
So thankful he is doing better. Mac Daddy and I both had the flu pretty bad this year, and thankfully our boys were spared. We didn’t get flu shots this year. Lesson learned. Keeping in my thoughts and prayers, my friend.
Only one of us got the flu shot this year, and he was just as sick as the rest of us. Oh, this stuff is awful. Hope your baby is back in good health soon! <3
Becky´s last [type] ..Sweet fortune
So so many thanks for all of this support. I am thrilled to report that he was released the day after this post was written. Regardless, it has been a frightening experience and everyone’s thoughts and words have meant the world to me. Thank you.
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