Middle School Freight Trains, Fear and a Cell Phone

MiddleSchoolerMy baby newly-minted middle schooler got a cell phone a couple days ago.

What in the world.

I am having a hard time deciding if this is a milestone, some right of passage, or the end of his innocence. One more screen, one more way for him to be accessed and potentially affected.

The fact that this big life purchase coincides with him starting middle school is enough to have me second-guessing everything and fanning off cold sweats.

Normal, certainly, but change is coming into his life like a freight train. And I can try to wave it off madly from the sidelines (a spot I had better get used to), but, it’s no good. There he stands, facing that freight train with wild glee and hopeful anticipation. Bring it!

The phone is for safety. Really. I want to be able to text him and get one right back whenever cold anxiety creeps up around my ankles from under my parenting grandstand.

(“There you are. He’s not safe, you know. You should be watching him more closely, he’s too young to be left to his own devices. Start hovering, hovering, hovering, right over his head…it’s what good parents do. Hover. Now.”)

He sees the phone as an offering and affirmation that he is his own person now. Right away, the texts started. “Are you coming home for lunch?” “What time does her flight leave?” “We had to leave the pool because of lightning.”

He is so ready to take responsibility and be part of the adult conversation.

WHICH I LOVE. Yes, TELL ME every second of your day. Yesssss. I am drinking in every word, while madly kicking anxiety in the face below me.

Middle school means a school twice the size, a campus, changing classes, a class schedule, gym lockers, lunch periods and… eighth graders. EIGHTH GRADERS. I think most adults are intimidated by eighth graders, let alone a wee, pre-pubescent 6th grader, whose young for his class, and a very slight 60-ish lbs of bony awkwardness soaking wet.

(Oh and do you see all of that over the school, too? The other parents hovering? I want to be up there. My anxiety certainly insists that I do. But I’ve chained myself to this little spot on the sidelines, willing myself to let him BE, let him DO this.)

He sees and considers none of this. There he still stands, cell phone firmly in one hand, a talisman of confidence as he stares down the freight train. He’s pumped. He’s got a little swagger. He talked confidently to his reading teacher, shrugging off that introversion label in a hot second. He proudly finished his summer reading. He has mapped out every class and knows he has 4 minutes to change classes. He is NOT worried.

Anxiety just laughed at me from deep down under there.

(“Hey. Who are you kidding? He’s fooling you. He’s fooling himself. He really needs you. Get up, up in the sky, over him. Make more noise than this. MAKE SURE HE’S OK.”)

I’m not dropping him off tomorrow. My husband is. And that is a good thing. Sure, he’s worried I might embarrass him. But let’s be real. I can handle the third-grader’s drop-off. The safety of ONE classroom, ONE teacher, a much smaller campus and one we both know. I can’t bear the idea of my eldest getting out of the car, loaded down in school supplies, not looking back (he won’t, you know) and being swallowed up in a sea of kids that shave, wear make-up and look about 22.

(“What kind of mother are you? You are faaaaar too trusting.”)

But he has his cell phone. He has it right there with him. It’s  proudly and comfortably zipped into his backpack (along with all the hope and trust and belief in him that I stuffed in there without him looking). I am a text, a call, and only 5 miles away from my office. (Yes, I’ve clocked it.)

Yeah, I know that cell phone will open him up to new people, friends, access, connections that I have limited control over. (Um, I WILL read his texts until he pays for it himself.) But that cell phone is my his our safety net, our conduit, our promise that we can reconnect when HE needs me. When I need him.

Is it enough? This basic flip phone with unlimited texting?

Is he going to be OK?

Are there any guarantees?

(“Yes. You could be there more. You could drop him off and pick him up and you could watch him, demand more for him, protect him, slowwww down the train. You could, you should, why don’t you?”)

I can’t. There are no guarantees. He will be good enough. So, here’s my feeble attempt at standing and cheering to him from where I am, where I think I am supposed to be. I feel every bit of temptation and fear biting at my ankles but it doesn’t matter. I’ll just yell louder and show him that this freight train is awesome and normal and he has every reason to believe that HE can handle what it brings him all on his own. All by himself.

*Cue embarrassing mom yodeling and hollering and whooping!*

BRING IT.

20 comments ↓

#1 Vitamin Shoppe promo code on 09.29.14 at 1:41 pm

The very first thing to accomplish once you are looking for the low credit score lender is
usually to see how to acquire a loan.
Vitamin Shoppe promo code´s last blog post ..Vitamin Shoppe promo code

#2 Foxworth on 12.08.14 at 7:12 pm

it exclusively your opinion Orthomol VitalF

#3 bbmYz on 11.11.15 at 5:25 am

450324 647269Hi there! I just wish to give an enormous thumbs up for the nice info youve correct here on this post. I shall be coming once more to your blog for extra soon. 410763

#4 gta5cashmoney.com on 11.13.15 at 6:27 am

755238 73578Its actually a cool and helpful piece of information. Im glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing. 339611

#5 netflix phone number on 11.13.15 at 9:13 am

There are three choices: “HDMI OUT,” “AV MULTI OUT” and “Digital Out.

and manually enter that inside MAC priority section within the QOS settings page. Click within the “Watch Instantly” link for the bottom in the Netflix homepage. Select Account Profiles beneath the Preferences section in the Your Account & Help page. How to Upgrade Windows Media Player for Netflix; X. netflix phone number and manually enter that inside MAC priority section within the QOS settings page.
Click within the “Watch Instantly” link for the bottom in the Netflix homepage.
Select Account Profiles beneath the Preferences section in the
Your Account & Help page. How to Upgrade
Windows Media Player for Netflix; X.
netflix phone number´s last blog post ..netflix phone number

#6 trove cubits hack on 11.22.15 at 9:57 pm

The Trove Hack so that you won’t encounter any complications in implementing this cheat resource itself is constantly
updated to assist every one of the latest parts and stability issues.
The assistance staff is able to cure any queries when you can and solve bug reports rapidly.
The Trove Hack Product remains scanned by most widely
used applications that are antivirus and attempted by specific beta-testers that were selected.
At modifying resources, the Trove Hack hack software’s efficiency doesn’t
determine. You’ll be able to cause havoc to debug annoying difficulties or the
graphics.
trove cubits hack´s last blog post ..trove cubits hack

#7 smite gem surveys on 11.24.15 at 2:40 pm

The challenge with this is to be able to manage 10 or maybe more recreation customers in the same period
that this involves custom programs and typically a lot more than only one PC and having
the ability to stage plenty of reports effectively.
Most MOBA farming spiders never get public, since they will be not
functional to make use of on people own. Then you will be simply reported
by the additional participants, if you use a Smite farming bot
alone as well as your consideration will soon be barred within days.
smite gem surveys´s last blog post ..smite gem surveys

#8 levitra on 11.29.15 at 8:54 am

967390 234425Hi there! Do you use Twitter? Id like to follow you if that would be ok. Im undoubtedly enjoying your weblog and appear forward to new posts. 645991

#9 Youth torrent 720P on 12.01.15 at 5:20 pm

The pilot human found him and the ring chose the pilot. Guided by James Wan,
“Quick & Furious 7” is situated to discharge by April one year from
now. You may be thinking what do I need to have at
my end to download movies from here.
Youth torrent 720P´s last blog post ..Youth torrent 720P

#10 Tampa Attorney on 12.03.15 at 6:37 pm

I certainly don’t envy what you are going through. It is a different age today when it comes to raising kids.

#11 http://vse-vsport.ru on 12.14.15 at 4:50 pm

Unfortunately, that is no version for either Android or IOS ‘
which means you’re relegated to Chromebooks and
laptops using this type of extension.

“Neither,” says Justin White, an early director of data
security compliance to the state of Colorado, that has also worked being an information security
consultant with Microsoft, Costco, Wells Fargo, and also the state of
Washington. Gmails Labs section packs quite a few nifty experimental features, and this
place will provide you with the variety of unread emails inside your inbox right
for the icon on the Gmail tab. Luo Zhiqiu, a lecturer in English
at Nanjing University, wrote on his microblog Sunday that ‘it is a critical moment for many people students that are currently looking for overseas universities.
As mentioned earlier, Streak is merely available for Gmail through the Chrome
browser. gmail from google com sign in (http://vse-vsport.ru) “Neither,” says Justin White, an early director
of data security compliance to the state of Colorado, that has also worked being an information security consultant with Microsoft, Costco, Wells Fargo, and
also the state of Washington. Gmails Labs section packs
quite a few nifty experimental features, and this place will provide you with the variety of unread emails inside your inbox right for the icon on the Gmail tab.
Luo Zhiqiu, a lecturer in English at Nanjing University,
wrote on his microblog Sunday that ‘it is a critical moment for many people students that are currently looking for overseas universities.
As mentioned earlier, Streak is merely available for Gmail through the Chrome browser.
http://vse-vsport.ru´s last blog post ..http://vse-vsport.ru

#12 reserver hotel on 12.21.15 at 7:12 am

706194 852031As far as me being a member here, I wasnt aware that I was a member for any days, truly. When the write-up was published I received a notification, so that I could participate within the discussion with the post, That would explain me stumbuling upon this post. But were undoubtedly all members within the world of tips. 330577

#13 reserver hotel pas cher on 12.21.15 at 9:19 pm

755756 173814I enjoy your writing type, do keep on writing! Ill be back! 524991

#14 reservation hotel de luxe on 12.25.15 at 5:54 pm

830666 605344Nowhere on the Internet is there this significantly quality and clear details on this topic. How do I know? I know because Ive searched this subject at length. Thank you. 951998

#15 free credit reports all 3 bureaus on 01.01.16 at 7:07 pm

930733 328619A person necessarily lend a hand to make severely posts Id state. This is the very first time I frequented your web page and to this point? I surprised with the analysis you made to make this particular submit extraordinary. Magnificent process! 938011

#16 CSGO Hacks on 01.01.16 at 7:50 pm

366178 462430Great V I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs and related info ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. 400619

#17 Tradesman on 05.25.16 at 12:05 pm

A school bus driver from Texas was ousted from her job after a heart-stopping video emerged online showing the bus narrowly escaping being struck by a freight train.
Tradesman´s last blog post ..SUBJ1A school bus driver from Texas was ousted from her job after a heart-stopping video emerged online showing the bus narrowly escaping being struck by a freight train.

#18 Trade Deals on 05.25.16 at 12:14 pm

A school bus driver from Texas was ousted from her job after a heart-stopping video emerged online showing the bus narrowly escaping being struck by a freight train.
Trade Deals´s last blog post ..SUBJ1A school bus driver from Texas was ousted from her job after a heart-stopping video emerged online showing the bus narrowly escaping being struck by a freight train.

#19 b2b Trader on 05.25.16 at 12:18 pm

A school bus driver from Texas was ousted from her job after a heart-stopping video emerged online showing the bus narrowly escaping being struck by a freight train.
b2b Trader´s last blog post ..SUBJ1A school bus driver from Texas was ousted from her job after a heart-stopping video emerged online showing the bus narrowly escaping being struck by a freight train.

#20 Sadaqat Hussain on 09.27.16 at 12:21 am

Wish You and your Son a Happy life ahead. May his innocence remains the same.

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge