And here sits the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition.
She’s very pretty. No she is. Super cute. Good for her. I saw her on the Today Show this morning saying how getting this cover is like winning the Super Bowl of modeling. And how cool it is that they print her name on the cover too (because *shocker* models have names as well as bodies). She seemed very nice and I hope she has a very successful career.
But yo. He’s coming home and I’ve got a feeling he’s going to walk right past me and into the loving arms of … wait let me check… Brooklyn Decker and all her glossiness.
I mean how can a scroungy mommy of two boys in an old college sweatshirt, ratty headband, and pink slippers even consider competing with the beautiful Ms. Brooklyn. Me with sidewalk chalk on my jeans and milk on my sleeve and a slight headache from trying to convince my six year old to write two fricking sentences about his favorite thing at school. Just two. Why the tears and the drama?! And I’ve only JUST got them to bed and finally ate a little dinner so screw tiny yellow bikinis and un muffin-topped bellies. I say YAY to headbands and sweatshirts and pink slippers. And sleeping children. Ahhhhh….
Oh he just got home! Well hello there husband! How was your day? Oh a few of your students didn’t show up for the test today? That’s not cool. He’s shaking his head, now grading papers in front of “Lost”, a beer cracked open at his side.
However. The magazine is lying face down right here next to me. He doesn’t know she’s here waiting.
Because there’s her… OR there’s me looking just fiiiine. A certain special kind of fine he sees – ohhhh – just about everyday.
Course he’d pick me. No insecurity here. None. Zero. Zilch.
No really. It’s cool.
I’m going to go give him his magazine. And a big ol’ smooch.
I’m thinking we need a little cheer around here. A little holiday cheer, in fact. And as the wonderful Buddy the Elf would say:
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”
And so, here are my boys singing loud for all to hear.
When they aren’t showing off, being silly and singing gibberish. Or saying their favorite word “stinky” or laughing about farts.
(Hey. Don’t judge me. When you throw two little boys in front of a camera, already frothed up on sugar cookies, candy canes and Christmas anticipation, you just never know what you’re going to get.)
I had the best intentions. In the spirit of the holidays, I decided to make Christmas cookies for all four of my sons teachers. I love cookies, I mean who doesn’t LOVE cookies, so I baked cookies. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, well I decided to get creative. Since my son has a peanut allergy, a lot of the Christmas cookie recipes must be ruled out. So sugar cookies can get a little, I don’t know… YAWN… after awhile.
What to do, what to do. Cookie recipes books? No. Of course not. I can handle this.
And then I eyed the candy canes hanging on my tree. Hmmmm. I could crush up candy cane and put it in the cookies. OH! Even better, I could roll them in it. Or how ’bout THIS! Maybe I could swirl a little red food dye in (…don’t look at me that way…) and maybe get that Christmas-ish, candy caney, red swirling effect. Yeah. It’ll be great.
So maybe I was distracted by my father on the phone. Cut me a break, he’s trying to figure out how he’ll get from his house to the train station in DC tomorrow. And feet upon feet of snow are coming down. “Get a ride to the metro Dad! And don’t shovel all of that, whatever you do, it’s not good for your heart!”
*Squirt*
I had the food coloring in hand. And. Maybe? I squirted too much in.
Oops. So I stirred the mix. When suddenly? I had Pepto Bismal colored cookie dough mix.
Yeah. Awesome. Well. To hell with it. I rolled it into balls and dipped each into the crushed candy cane. Into the oven they went.
Out came this.
EEEWWWWWWWWWW…..
And, to top it all off (so to speak) the candy cane melted and stuck to the pan. So, as I tried hacking them off the cookie sheet I busted my cheap ass spatula. Crack. Just like that. So, it was a free cake spatula from Publix but it was nice and thin so it didn’t mess with the cookie shape. Yeah well, cracking it sure messed with that particular cookie’s shape.
Merry Christmas to my son’s teachers. Truly, I had the best intentions. And I *think* they taste ok (if you shut your eyes and try reeeeally hard not to think that I just mixed in a tub of Bepto Bismal).
I’m linking to Craftastrophe too. If they want to feature this particularly unfortunate batch of cookies along with some choice words about my cookie skillz, it would be my honor.
I awoke this morning, hair tousled, with a far away gaze and a sly grin. What did I do last night you wonder? Well. Of course you know. I went and saw New Moon.
And before I get any crap for the post I am about to write I want to say two things. Whatever justification I have for my Twilight interest can be found here. Read it and perhaps it will gain me a couple inches of slack. And secondly, I know I know, all crap given is perfectly understood and probably deserved.
You see when I parked my car in front of the theater last Friday, with the kids strapped in the back, car hazards on, and ran up to the ticket counter, I fully realized that being so fired up for a Twilight movie was silly. I knew that.
I KNOW that.
But pride is no matter here.
Escape, reconnecting with the teen within, who the “F” cares, and no kids for a few hours does matter however.
So sue me, “Two tickets for next week’s Friday screening of New Moon, please.” I stuck them in my car visor and looked forward to last night all week.
My fellow Twi-crack-mom and I arrived at the theater early with tickets clutched and “Mom’s night out” lip gloss applied. Once in, we moved to the back of the line waiting for the theater to open. Yes, there were small clutches of tweens in their “Team Edward” t-shirts, but mostly? There were women my age, waiting patiently, hoping no one recognized them (which my friend’s son’s teacher admitted when she was, in fact, recognized.) We waited about 45 minutes until the doors opened, tickets were rechecked and all Twi-freaks present rushed the seats.
Please be rest assured. My friend and I were absolutely laughing at ourselves. We saw humor in our anticipation. We joked that if we were going to do this, we were doing it right. We were committing to this Twilight thing that night, why be half assed? We giggled at the Twilight souvenir cups and promised ourselves some as soon as we were seated.
And honestly? We didn’t expect much. We didn’t. The first movie was just ok. The books were what they were. As addicting as it was, New Moon was my least favorite of all the books. But we were getting a rare Moms night out, with children and daily responsibilities left back in our deed-restricted communities. We’ll make this good even if its wall to wall cheese, teeming with eye rolling teenage angst and super over the top cartoonish CGI. It was all good. Go Twilight. Whatever.
So we scored seats middle center. We scored our souvenir cups. We took pictures. We chatted and wished for wine in our cups instead of Diet Coke.
Not that it mattered. My souvenir cup contained about a gallon of diet coke so I found myself under the influence never the less. I don’t do caffeine all that well. And by the time the lights dimmed, I was jacked the frock UP. That’s me below: wide awake, not blinking, humming with werewolf anticipation and twitching for some Edward action.
“It’s starting. I’m so TOOOTALLY excited and I don’t care. No for real. I’m soooooo into this. Woo hoooooo! Are you excited, I’m excited. I think its starting. Is it starting? Go go go go go New Moon! Wheeeeeee!!!!!!!”
Well. When we walked out of that theater I could not stop smiling. Maybe the Diet Coke was still working its magic but… I wanted to turn around and go right back into the next showing.
Yes. I loved it.
I was lost in the vampire, werewolf, love triangle, teen-aged drama for 2 blissful hours. I can’t remember the last time I was so lost in a movie. (Titanic?)
Sure, I was determined to love this movie. It could have been a steaming pile of over acted crap and I would have probably found a way to like it somehow. I was perfectly aware that I went in using the “kind of average but that’s ok” first Twilight movie as the yard stick by which I measured my evening. My expectations were hardly soaring.
But honestly? New Moon kind of pulled an Empire Strikes Back.
It was so much better than I expected. I loved it. I want to see it again. My fellow Twi-crack-mom thought it was even better than the book. I felt like I just saw the book come to life. I wanted to go back and re-experience it all and lose myself again. Really. I am going again, somehow. And then I want the DVD. And I want the soundtrack. More more more…
Shit. This Twi-crack-mom stuff just notched itself up to the next level.
But when Eclipse is released I don’t think I will be laughing at myself waiting in line an hour before it begins. OMG. I CANNOT WAIT.
Ok. ok.
I’m waiting for it.
Go ahead. Laugh away. Yes, I know. My street cred is in serious peril over this dribble. I know.
And to be fair, MSNBC was far from impressed. Maybe you might consider them as cooler heads prevailing and me simply just a mom that needs to get out more. Maybe my expectations are set so permanently low for fun and excitement that anything escape-ish in nature is a mind blowing experience.
Ugh, well that’s kind of depressing to consider.
Whatever.
Still, I sit here. In a satisfied after-movie glow hoping I can go again with New Moon. Somehow, somewhere… soon. It sure as hell was good for me. Was it good for you?
So I had a moms night out a week ago. We were all getting gifted pedicures – a special occasion indeed. Anyhoo. The folks at the salon said we could bring wine if we’d like – but nothing could be in glass containers. So what to do? Somehow, impossibly, I retrieved a fuzzy memory from the depths of my brain, probably in a box at the back labeled “cool idea, don’t forget this one”. Maybe I read about them in a magazine or heard of them on Twitter, or something. No idea how I knew about them – but I knew. And after some hunting around, we found them at our local Publix. The most brilliant mommy invention ever. What are they?
Mommy “juice” boxes.
No, they don’t come with straws but each box offers a mom at her wits end a healthy glass and a half worth of wine. And no it’s nothing high end but its in my budget. And it can slip right into any cooler bag along side the Capri Suns. Because nothing spells responsible parenting on the go like wine in a juice box.
Love it. Sign me up. I’ll get the Sam’s Club value pack. For real. Viva the Mommy “Juice” Box.
Yeah well. The Magic didn’t win. In fact, they lost by a lot. And we had to watch the Lakers win the entire finals championship. Not cool.
But the night hardly sucked. Not by a long shot. My sister in law got us access to the VIP party tent. We ate delish coconut crusted chicken, fillet, fried tortellini and rice krispie treats dunked in white chocolate. And as we munched, we checked out the various celebs (Joey Fatone counts, right?), the Mayor (of Orlando) and even a Senator.
And you know I am one for full disclosure around these parts. So let me just put it this way. Morningside Mom’s magical night out was helped along by a bartender at the open bar who pulled a rabbit out of her hat with a very heavy pour. Abraca-frigging-dabra. Good gracious. I certainly don’t get out enough. I’m just glad I didn’t get too close to Joey Fatone post vodka tonics…
(“OHMUHGODHAI!!!!!! Hows Justin??? I can do the ‘ain’t no lie, bye bye bye’ dance, wanna see? I saw you guys in concert once… remember?????”)
So the VIP tent lead to a giddy and giggling Morningside Mom, thrilled to be there within all the fun and hoopla, amoungst friends – and of course I wound up trying to make friends too. Yes. I’ve learned that vodka tonics inspire me to be friends with everyone in my section. I mean, what’s their problem? Why don’t they want to chat – be neighborly? It’s just a game. Sheeesh. Apologies specifically to Scott at the end of our row. I am not sure how much of the game I let him watch. (Smacking forehead now.)
Nevertheless. They lost. But I won. An awesome night out to be sure. Thanks to my sister for giving me a hint of a life for just one night.
If you have small children and you are potty training, perhaps even trying to explain the normalcy of bowel movements, it’s likely then that you have the book “Everyone Poops”. While it guarantees gales of giggles with every read, it also teaches children that everyone and every living thing, well, poops.
It’s really no big deal, right?
Of course with two boys it is no surprise that “Everyone Poops” is a bedtime favorite around here. However. My husband has brought this book to life a bit, and I am sure he is not the only husband who has. My husband likes to add certain sound effects while reading “Everyone Poops”. I have never made said sound effects while reading it myself (yeah, I’m such a lady) but thats ok. My boys will make the sounds for me. With sprays of spit and rattling raspberries, all three of them have become very talented at poop sounds while hopefully learning that yes, in fact, everyone poops. Maybe the youngest will finally be inspired enough to someday put his poop in the potty. Maybe.
In the meantime, here is a quick video I made of my husband and the example he has set for our children with the book ”Everyone Poops”. Never underestimate what complexities a father can pass on to his children.
The countdown in on – there are less than two weeks until Barack Obama is elected president! And this liberal mom thinks the occasion calls for a celebration. If you are as excited as I am, and game for a get together, here are some ideas to host your own fabulously patriotic inauguration party.
Plan the Party
First thing’s first however: unfortunately, the date and time are not exactly “party-worthy”. The inauguration will be held on Tuesday, January 20th and President-elect Obama will officially be sworn in at noon. A parade will follow that afternoon and of course, all major networks will be covering the event. (Even Nickelodeon will be covering the event with young reporters!)
But back to the issue. Noon on a Tuesday is not exactly the time to host a hugely impressive gala. So there are a few options to consider.
If you are home that day, host a fun get together with other parents who are home also
If you usually work, consider playing hooky – and tell your partner to do the same
Have a Tuesday night BBQ or early get together to celebrate
Host an inaugural ball of your own the weekend before or after
Invitations
Now that you have decided what kind of party works best for you, it’s time to think about the invites. Sure, it’s a little late, but if your friends are as fired up to celebrate this event as I am, they will leap at the chance to ring in this new presidency. But since the date is coming up fast, consider sending evites. My Punchbowl is my favorite alternative to Evite and it has some fabulous invites at their site.
Regarding who you invite, obviously invite folks who share your own political views. But please consider inviting those that don’t also. In the spirit of bringing this nation together to solve these upcoming issues as Americans, make sure your invites go out to friends of yours on both sides of the political fence.
Decorations
Obviously, as we are all feeling patriotic, you should decorate in red, white and blue. I would also consider adding some sparkle to your event, especially if you hold your event at night. Get creative and recycle red table cloths you may still have from Christmas or some glittery decorations from New Years. String up a few Christmas lights with your red, white and blue too!
Food
The possibilities for food options are endless. You could go with traditionally American foods such as hot dogs and apple pie. Since Obama is from Hawaii, you could serve traditional Hawaiian foods. Ehow offers some great ideas:
“You can choose fun themed foods such as ‘Buffalo LEFT Wings,’ or how about some ‘Campaign Trail Mix?’ Other ideas that are clever include: ‘Lipsticked Pigs In a Blanket,’ ‘Sloppy Joe Bidens’, ‘Barack of Lamb’, and ‘Shredded Pork (Barrel) Sandwiches.’… Keeping the fun theme going for the drinks, why not create a shot and call them ‘Cheney Shooters.’”
I would also consider serving some of Obama’s favorite foods. He is a big fan of Italian pizza. Also, NPR found recipes for some of his favorite Mexican dishes.
Apparently Obama’s favorite beer is Bud Lite which is easy enough to serve. And I would throw in some Busch beer too, just for fun. But what are some other patriotic, theme appropriate drinks to serve? You can find 10 “all American” cocktail ideas at Fine Living.com. Also, here is a fun recipe for Patriotic Punch. And then Hawaiian themed cocktails are also fun, and probably very welcome in the midst of winter.
“Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Johann Sebastian Bach (cello suites), and The Fugees”
Games
DivaGirl offers some fun Inauguration games including having guests participate in some presidential trivia. While your group watches Obama’s speech, Ehow shares Bingobama. Print out copies for everyone!
Don’t forget about the kids – they may want to be a part of the inaugural fun as well! Kaboose.com has some excellent ideas such as making your own parade stick, presidential coloring pages and fun family quizzes.
More party ideas can be found at any of these sites:
And finally, if you are serious about hosting an inauguration bash for your entire community, visit Move on.org for more information about how to set one up.
So sue me, “Two tickets for next week’s Friday screening of New Moon, please.” I stuck them in my car visor and looked forward to last night all week.
Please be rest assured. My friend and I were absolutely laughing at ourselves. We saw humor in our anticipation. We joked that if we were going to do this, we were doing it right. We were committing to this Twilight thing that night, why be half assed? We giggled at the Twilight souvenir cups and promised ourselves some as soon as we were seated.
Yeah well. The Magic didn’t win. In fact, they lost by a lot. And we had to watch the Lakers win the entire finals championship. Not cool.
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